Dear Daughter, 

This week your mama’s birthplace, and where you took your first breath, suffered an attack that I am selfishly grateful I do not have to explain because you are only 2Âœ years old. So I sat you in front of Mickey Mouse while we watched the news. I sat you in front of the “bright spot” of Orlando while we descended beneath darkness.

But one day, you will discover hate and hurt and violence through your own unfortunate experiences because in life it is inevitable to know pain. No amount of love I carry for you, no matter how broadly or tightly I wrap my arms around you, can protect you from the hard edges of life.

I hope you are never the victim of senseless tragedy. I hope you never have to learn about hate in such a violent, horrific manner. I know I cannot shield you from the ills of the world but I hope I can teach you to look for the helpers. And when given the opportunity, be a helper.

Do the right thing. Stand up for those around you. Stand up for yourself. Intervene when possible. Speak up and out. Surround yourself by good people as much as you can know they are indeed “good” people you trust.

Try to stay as aware as you can. Don’t bury your head in your phone in public places. Try not to bury your head in your thoughts in public. Sad as it is, daydream in safety. This is not enough to protect you but pay attention as much as you can. It matters. We need you.

Talk to me. I know I am your “mom” but I love you unconditionally. I always will.

I do not want to be your friend because I have a role in your life that is so much deeper and it is my job to guide and love and teach you and I will always, always be here for you. As long as I have a breath in my lungs, you can talk to me. And longer.

More than anything, be empathetic. It can be hard to feel pain and even tougher to act on those feelings but they may be the only glimmers of hope for some. I am an idealist and always have been, always plan to be.

More than anything, as difficult or exhausting as it is, I hope you will be too. Never let anyone stamp that out of your heart or spirit. We need you. 
In a culture, a generation that is referred to as “selfie,” narcissistic, selfish, I hope you will love yourself but never forget to love others, too. Selfish should not be permitted to define an entire group, nor should any other derogatory term or defining characteristic.

Be a leader. Rabble-rouse. Let your heart explode whenever possible but keep your spirit intact.

We need you.

Mama

Leandra Preston-Sidler is an associate lecturer in Women’s Studies at the șŁœÇֱȄ. She can be reached at Leandra.Preston-Sidler@ucf.edu.

Now that I am back to work full-time and trying to write a dissertation and keep my house livable, boot camp has become how to get anything (or rather, everything) done with a very needy little one demanding all my time when I have so many other demands and responsibilities.

In my Women’s Studies classes I teach about ”the second shift”: women working during the day and coming home to domestic responsibilities, essentially working two full-time jobs. It is more commonly called “doing it all,” one unplanned outcome from the women’s liberation movement. While women gained access to the workforce (albeit still unequally), they also predominately maintain primary childcare and home responsibilities.

While we can rightfully cite stay-at-home fathers or egalitarian households to counter this notion, according to the Labor Department’s 2011 American Time Use Survey, men spend on average one third less time on housework and childrearing than women. Statistically, significantly more women are primary caregivers and do the majority of housework whether they work full-time.

My situation is unique because I teach online, which means working full-time from home. The upside is I do not spend an exorbitant amount of my salary on childcare, but the downside is actually trying to work full-time at home. When my husband is not home, I temporarily become a single parent during those periods, like others do. But even when he is home, I still find it hard to get everything done. I am luckier than some, because at least I have a willing partner in all of this.

However, this is not only about me, since many folks—men and women—work at home with children present without the option of expensive childcare or for other reasons. This is an issue of class as well as convenience. My position is a luxury, as childcare is not an option for many working parents but a necessity, whether they can afford it.

Excuse me for a moment. The baby is crying.

When I was pregnant, I was shocked at how things worked. I was permitted 12 weeks of unpaid parental leave. Unpaid parental leave seems like a penalizing oxymoron because having a baby means one needs pay more than ever. My accrued sick time allowed me to receive a paycheck on leave but I was not sick. Being a teacher meant I could only take off six weeks or I would lose another semester, which extended beyond my allowance.

The United States is dreadfully behind other countries when it comes to taking care of folks on parental leave. Sweden and Norway have the best parental leave in the world—more than a year of combined pay for the mother and father. Canada provides a year at partial pay. The United States is the only industrialized nation that does not mandate that parents of newborns get paid leave.

Some argue that having a child is a choice, and institutions should not have to accommodate personal decisions. And it certainly is a choice.

But folks should be permitted to have children and still maintain careers. Loyal employees should be supported whether we choose to have children. The fact is, many people have children—and the strength of professions is in long-term employees. Not being provided a more substantial leave after working for an employer many years is disheartening, particularly if the employees have never taken off for any other reason. To equalize, maybe employers could offer a six or 12 week time off to non-parent employees every five years for personal benefit. Healthy employees mean healthy businesses.

Most days I juggle like a clown—grading, online discussions for class, attending meetings as needed, squeezing in dissertation research and writing, chairing committees, and whatever else work requires.

Then there is the baby. “Duty calls” has become “doodie calls.” She is my number one priority—but meeting expectations and deadlines, obviously, are important, too.

I have an exceptionally supportive work environment so I am better off than most and I want to excel in my career, but I do not want to create the impression that I am falling behind because I have a baby. 

But I am falling behind on sleep. And personal time. And showers. And that pesky dissertation.

To first establish my career, I waited almost 40 years to have a baby. I don’t want to compromise that or the developmental and precious time with my baby in her first year of life. Because, as the Rolling Stones say, “You can’t always get what you want.”

But you can certainly try.

Leandra Preston-Sidler is an instructor in the șŁœÇֱȄ’s Women’s Studies. She can be reached at Leandra.Preston-Sidler@ucf.edu.

The university won two awards and Women’s Studies instructor Leandra Preston-Sidler won a third award.

UCF won the Campus-Community Partnership Award because of the College of Business Administration’s Cornerstone Project with Boys Town of Central Florida. Since 2005, more than 1,100 students in the Cornerstone Project have worked with Boys Town, said Amy Zeh, UCF’s program director of Service Learning. The project offers hands-on experience in professional-skills development and involves a semester-long service project addressing a need in the community.

The university also earned the Engaged Campus Award, which is given to honor an institution of higher education for advancing the purposes of education, improving community life and teaching students about civil and social responsibility. In 2011-2012, there were 9,786 șŁœÇֱȄ of Central of Florida students who participated in service-learning courses, Zeh said. They completed more than 210,000 service hours in projects with more than 350 partner organizations, saving community partners more than $4 million. Also, 145 faculty members across the campus implemented 55 academic courses in more than 300 classrooms involving service for 2011-2012.

Preston-Sidler won the Service-Learning Faculty Award for the state university sector. The award was given because of her dedication to working with nonprofit community partners to enhance student learning.

Florida Campus Compact said the award winners “are the folks who are in the trenches, forging sustainable campus-community partnerships that enhance the collegiate experience and help our students become stronger and more active citizens.”

The awards were presented Nov. 8 at the șŁœÇֱȄ of Tampa.